How to Develop Trust and Strengthen Your Intuition.
I just came back from a training retreat in Jamaica and wanted to talk about something that hit me hard at this retreat.
When I arrived, I met 18 participants and 7 facilitators. By day two, without even realizing it, I had already put people into my little mental boxes—who I thought they were, what their stories might be. It wasn’t mean-spirited, just automatic.
But, wow, was I off.
As people opened up and shared their deepest struggles, I saw how wrong my assumptions had been. One young guy in particular blew me away. He had that classic “golden boy” look—athletic, probably popular, the kind of guy who seems to have an easy life. But when he started sharing, his words carried a depth that moved me to tears. His poetry, his stories, his honesty—he was one of the most insightful young people I have ever met, and I would have never thought that when I first met him.
For a long time, I believed I was a good judge of character. And honestly, I still think I am. Being able to read people is important—it helps us figure out who to be cautious around. But what this retreat taught me is that judgment or trusting others isn’t about making an instant decision.
I honestly think there are three components to trusting people:
- Becoming consciously aware of whether we’re making decisions about someone based on past experiences or being fully present in the moment. If you’ve had a few bad relationships, it’s natural to be cautious—but are you protecting yourself based on old wounds, or are you truly picking up on something off about this new person?I hear this from clients all the time: “I just can’t open my heart because of what happened before.” But think about it—if you’ve had 3 or 4 bad experiences, does that mean every future person will be the same? Not necessarily. It’s about learning how to recognize patterns without letting fear dictate your choices.
- We’re wired to want certainty, but relationships don’t work that way. We want to know right away where we stand with someone. What if, instead, we gave ourselves permission to put first impressions on pause? We don’t have to make a decision right away. What if we let people reveal who they truly are over time instead of making snap judgments? It’s important to build on the trust. Think about it—when making big life decisions like career changes or moving to a new city, we usually give ourselves time to gather information. Why not do the same for relationships, one of the most important aspects of life? Finding the balance between opening your heart and staying in “information-gathering” mode is key. Can you enjoy the connection, be present, and at the same time, not get too attached to a specific outcome? It’s tricky, but totally possible.
- Building trust isn’t about instantly knowing who’s “good” or “bad”—it’s about paying attention. Actually, I don’t even think “good” or “bad” is the right way to look at it. It’s really about compatibility. Do we communicate in the same way? Do we have similar boundary needs, levels of honesty, and emotional transparency?These things take time to uncover. And here’s the kicker: a lot of people don’t even fully understand their own needs and patterns, so how can we expect to know right away if someone is right for us? That’s why it’s important to stay aware and observe—not just how they show up for you, but how they show up in their own life.
I also believe that we are energetically drawn to certain people because there is something to learn from them. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are meant to stay in our lives forever. Instead of labeling a deep connection as either a lifelong bond or merely a lesson, we can approach it as part of a process—gathering insights, observing, and allowing the experience to unfold without constantly labelling it.
Here are a few things you can start noticing (notice how I said noticing, not judging—because everyone has their own upbringing, parental and societal pressures, rules, etc.):
- Look at their current friendships. Are those the kinds of friendships you long for? Do they treat their friends in a way that aligns with your values?
- Notice their actions, not just their words. What patterns do you see? What can you handle, and what are the red flags? Keep in mind that red flags might become more pronounced over time. No one is perfect, but do your core values align?
- Trust your gut. How does your body feel when you’re around them? Connect to your heart when you are with them or when you see them with others. Your intuition is powerful.
Instead of deciding quickly, let trust build naturally. Stay open and aware.
Strengthening Your Intuition
If trusting yourself—or others—feels hard, know that it’s a skill you can develop. As a somatic and mind-body coach, I help people reconnect with their intuition and build stronger, healthier relationships.
If you want to deepen your trust in yourself and others, you can always schedule a free discovery call. Let’s explore how you can build meaningful, safe, and aligned connections.
Warmly,
Linda
