Over the years, I’ve worked with hundreds of clients who’ve lived with pain. For many, it started as physical; a back injury, hip pain, or chronic tension that slowly drained their energy and life. As my work evolved, I began supporting more clients who were living with emotional pain; heartbreak, loss, betrayal, or disappointment.
And what’s fascinating is that pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, often affects us in the same way. It becomes the center of our world. It consumes our focus, energy, and vitality. It colors how we see everything.
Here are three ways to begin working with pain instead of getting lost in it.
1. Separate the Pain, the Resistance, and the Story
I recently heard Claire Parsons, an attorney that also practices mindfulness and teaches meditation, guide a meditation that really stuck with me. During the meditation it became clear to me that…. when there’s pain, there’s usually three things happening …the pain itself, our resistance to it, and the thoughts we attach to it.”
I loved that because it’s so true.
When you’re in pain, all three blend together and create a mental merry-go-round. Let’s say you’re experiencing back pain. You feel the pain (sensation), but then resistance shows up: I hate this. I don’t want to feel this. And before long, the mind piles on stories:
What if this never goes away? What if something’s seriously wrong with me?
The same happens with emotional pain. When your heart aches from a breakup, the stories and resistance can be just as intense:
I’ll never find love again. I can’t handle this. I failed.
The first step is to separate them.
Breathe into the actual feeling (the raw pain) without the resistance or the mental story. When your mind starts to spin, gently come back to your breath and to the direct experience of the pain itself.
You may be surprised at how this can instantly make pain feel lighter, sometimes three times less intense.
2. Pendulate Between Pain and Ease
The second tool comes from the work of somatic therapist Peter Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing.
When you’re feeling pain, whether physical or emotional, bring your awareness first to where the pain lives, and then shift your focus to a part of the body (or life) that feels good, calm, or neutral.
For example:
If your hip hurts, notice the sensation there. Then bring your awareness to your shoulders or hands; areas that feel relaxed or spacious.
If your heart aches, feel the heaviness in your chest, then think of a part of your life that’s working; maybe your work, your friendships, or your health.
Moving your attention back and forth between pain and ease creates balance in your nervous system. You teach your body and mind that you’re more than the pain.
3. Zoom Out: Take the Helicopter View
When we’re in pain, it often becomes the entire picture. But pain is only one part of your experience.
Imagine floating above your body, seeing yourself from a bird’s-eye view. You might notice that while your hip hurts, your shoulders, lungs, and heart are still working beautifully.
The same is true for emotional pain. Step back and look at your whole life. Yes, maybe your relationship is in pain, but what else is here? Maybe you have meaningful work, people who care about you, or a beautiful place to live.
This “helicopter view” helps the nervous system come back to balance. It reminds you that you are not just your pain; you are a whole, complex, resilient human being who can hold both discomfort and joy at once.
Pain can be a teacher; one that brings us back to presence, compassion, and breath.
It’s not about pushing pain away, but learning how to meet it differently.
I’ll soon be sharing a guided meditation that walks you through this exact three-step process; separating the pain, pendulating between ease and discomfort, and zooming out to the bigger picture of your life.
If you’d like to receive the link when it’s ready, send me an email at linda@breathbodyconnection.com. I would also highly recommend reading Claire’s blog – http://www.brilliantlegalmind.com/. I really like her energy.
Much Love
Linda
